“Who Run The World?” – Your Coffee.

This post may come across as biased because of the writer’s absolute hatred of caffeine. I’m sorry. Have you ever been traumatised by uncles whose breaths smelt like they brushed their teeth with coffee? Have you had a tumbler of piping hot filter coffee wash your hair in your sleep? Thought so.

I came across a theory yesterday that reminded me of my one true enemy. You’d think that was the education system, but I have always known that I will never escape the power of a hot cuppa. Everyone is either having one or in dire need of one. The smell of caffeine makes me look like I am constantly suffering from a tummy ache that Mommy cannot cure. It does not wake me up. In fact, it makes me want to go back to the universe where unicorn poop can power a country and no one needs coffee. Ever.

Have you ever thought why you would need coffee at all? How did people pull all-nighters before coffee? Who told you that you could not live without your morning kaapi? Have you wondered if it’s all a ruse? They have already resorted to subliminal messages. What makes you think they are not out to get you with what you drink? They will begin by tempting you with their toy. Then, they will make you pay more for coffee that doesn’t really taste like coffee (or so they say) so that we need more caffeine to sustain ourselves because one wasn’t enough.

Soon, we’ll be the generation that is always on its toes. Always on the move for the next hit of coffee. Our eyes will always be wide open and we’ll be jitterbugs. Waiting, waiting, waiting. DAMMIT, WHEN IS MY NEXT COFFEE BREAK?


Welcome to the 23rd century. This…


The Zombie Apocalypse fueled by Starbucks.