Things He Told Me — Part III

I’d say my guilt drives me down
the road I’d rather not walk without you.
We share the blame of our mistakes.
Our selfish needs get in the way.

Bodies intertwine in an exchange of words.
I give myself away for nothing but a smile.

I’d whine but my heart is full.
Overflowing as we speak,
Adding more with every sigh on my neck.

“You’re more in my head, I guess.”

I throw my head back and laugh,
Intoxicated with power.
But, the truth is you are the one holding the rein in your hand.
Let me go.

Things He Told Me — Part II

If someone gave me a time machine —
A time machine that worked —
I’d probably go back to a night of hushed voices and muffled laughter,
The only version of pillow talk we’ve ever known.

Being seventeen meant neither you nor I knew any better,
But, we were too busy talking to even notice.
We built our fantasies on nothing but clouds,
Wispy and filled with air, but so comfortable to float on.

I didn’t know the first word about love and you said,
“… and the best thing about him is that, he’s starting to fall for you.”
We laughed it off as a bad joke, but we hesitated.
There were many things I wish I’d asked you then.

But, I guess that little girl lived on those words for a week.
Put you on a pedestal built with the same pointless fantasies,
Just to watch you fall and not even being able to catch.

Late Night Explanations to No One in Particular

Let me have a moment with you. Let me talk about things I want to be with you. Let me talk about things I want to say to you without being afraid of tearing you apart. It’s so simple, this love. Yet, I cannot fathom a time when it has not complicated the very reason for my existence. Sometimes, I get the feeling that I was meant to love while I am alive. I am meant to want more love while I am alive. I am meant to teach love while I am alive. I want to walk down this road with you too.

Don’t paint your face with a smile when you don’t even know if you are truly happy. Stop lying to yourself and to me. Don’t tell yourself that you want to be alone when you don’t know how to be alone. I don’t think anyone ever told you this, but I am afraid of you. I am afraid that if I fall, I will ruin myself. I will ruin every fibre of your being. I don’t want to be the one to do that. I want to lift you up while I can and I will try till I can. Till you allow me to. I don’t want to change you. But, don’t expect me to climb walls when I am giving you a paved way to my heart.

I am lighting up. I am lighting up. I am lighting up. I am lighting up.