Us old people talk a lot.

This is that time of the year when I sit down to analyse myself and assume I have finally done it all. Yeah well. Self actualisation can have a good laugh. Congratulations, you have eluded me again.

I am just sitting here in a very cold city in a strange bed typing this out on my phone dreading my return to a city I have grown to dislike. I am pretty determined to never return. This year has taught me (if nothing) that our fate does not resign to our determination at the first shot.

I am learning the hard way that people grow up for a good reason and whether we like it or not, we are growing pretty old pretty soon too. When you look back at all the things you have said and done, you will be glad you know this. I am talking after a  wedding, three heartbreaks and a complete change in game plan later. So, while you can be assured that I am not at my wisest yet – We only grow and someday, it catches up with us no matter how far or fast we run.

The only place you will find peace when you get to this point is art. Even if you don’t practise it yourself, you know that taking in and experiencing any form of art will save you. Don’t ever give up on that. Even if it means belting out Kelly Clarkson when you are upset.

That brings me to the point where I remind you for the hundredth time that you must never lie to yourself about the way you feel about things. Don’t hide it if you really want to hold someone tight and tell them you love them. You might not get a second chance.

And even if you know you will never see them again, let fate take its course. Why must surrender always be about weakness? When you surrender, you just prove that your faith in the universe is getting stronger.

Let.
It.
Go.

IMMA LET YOU FINISH THAT LAST DRINK BUT –

Don’t sweat the calories. You know you’d rather die eating good food than of a freak accident.
Don’t bother with drama. You’re better off not knowing things about other people. It will also sound the same.
Don’t underestimate your imagination. There are people who go days without daydreaming. Wonder what that is like.
Don’t stop believing. Hold on to that feeling. Street lights, people. K.

Happy New Year. It does get better right? But I am not expecting more than… 😉

I Survived the Apocalypse.

So, 2012 is over. I am not going to lie, I was slightly cynical about being able to write this post this time – My Year End (Over)Analysis. But, I guess I still have too much to do/achieve/experience/see/feel before the world explodes in my face.

What was it like? One thing is for sure – I am telling my kids I survived an Apocalypse. Anyone who agrees with me, will be considered as marriage material. I am also telling my kids Harry Potter is real, Santa is not and that girls are the ones with more strength and they will never be able to live without a woman in their lives because they are emotionally incapable of doing so. HAHA. EVIL MOMMY IS EVIL.

Those things aside, this year was more growing up than usual. It is the last year of college which meant doing things I have not done before and being done with more fervour than I would have while spending my last day on this planet. I made my mistakes, too many drunk dials (And you were still THAT patient every time), cried too much and panicked too much also. But, I’m okay now. Just like the end of every year.

What did I learn this year?

I learnt that some things are worth the wait. 
I learnt that some things still need to be waited out.
I learnt that you need to keep pushing to get what you want.
I learnt that Faith is fo’realz. (YES. I said it like that)
I learnt that your friends don’t actually care about the drunk dialing.
I learnt that the drunk dialing can be funny.
I learnt that some eyes will never replicate themselves on to anyone else’s face.
I learnt that some cliches are based on truth.
I learnt that boys are confused, silly, fickle and misunderstood.
I learnt that Dads are only human.
I learnt that no woman is safe.
I learnt that no one is safe from reality.
I learnt that best friends are always best for a reason.

But, what is my favourite lesson of the year?

I learnt to believe in Silver Linings. You know those hopes you pin on people and yourself? Yeah, those let you sleep at night. Those things that lead you to believe that tomorrow is another day. Those things that really don’t matter, but you’ll keep them in mind anyway.
Those things, and words. Some kind words that even if you don’t think you deserve, you’ve been dying to hear.

As I bid 2012 goodbye, I want to say a lot more and wish for a lot more. But, I think we have had a year filled with too many voices and too many opinions spilling all over the place causing the chaos to snowball into a catastrophe. We’re getting there. You know why I ended it like this? Because I never expect anything more than…… You know it. 😉

2011

If the last year was about changes, this one was about adjusting to it. God knows that has taken me time. I don’t know how I would have survived without some people. But, I guess this year had it’s share of lessons.

1. Say EXACTLY what is on your mind. You’ll never regret it.    There is no need to be afraid of the consequences. Someone might be thinking what’s on your mind. Someone might agree with you. (Tip to the antisocial- It’s an ice breaker). Everyone will love you for it. Even if it’s the hardest thing to say, getting it off your chest will be something you’re glad you did.

2. No one is more important than yourself. It can be interpreted as “I don’t need no man” or “I walk this empty street, on the boulevard of broken dreams”. Whichever tune you pick, know that it’s YOUR decision. Then, snap your fingers to the tune and fucking dance the way you want to.

3. Parents can be cool. 

4. FOOD UNITES. 

I did not begin the year thinking this will be better than the last. Honestly, I don’t know if it is. But, I know I survived with the help of a few people. The few I can count on my fingers to count on. I know I survived with a few happy words. I know I survived because I know what I want.

Oh, and if nothing works- Bollywood’s worst will cure everything 😀

GoodBye to the craziest year so far (and a little more)

2010 has not been easy. It started out with exams. And fuck, life continued to test us all throughout this year. I passed, I got to college, I fell and got up, yet, somewhere, still falling. You get it, don’t you?

It’s like an endless cycle you wish you never got into. But, what we don’t realise is that life is like that. We walk into our own destiny not knowing what it is. But, it’s for the best. Do not ask me why or how. I just know that.

I found out who my real family and friends are. I learnt to grow my heart to a little larger size to fit in more people to love. I learnt to cry in public without giving a shit. I learnt to trust and then again, to not. I learnt that Christmas sucks. But, if you got people, it should not. (Grape juice was missed, of course)

I learnt that hypocrisy is a necessary evil. We need it, and we should avoid it. Unfortunately, Radical Honesty (however hot it is) doesn’t work at all. You need to kiss air sometimes to be accepted. To get your way. I clench my fists at myself even as I type this, but it’s the truth.

I said it once and I am probably sounding preachy at this point, but, don’t ever lie to yourself. The truth will slap you in the face so hard that you won’t know when you will recover from it. You may cover up the truth from the closest people, but don’t hide anything from yourself. That’s just, well.. sad.

Home is where the heart is. Nuff said. It could be on a mattress in an empty apartment or in his arms. But, it’s home, nonetheless.

The greatest lesson I learnt this year is split into two contradictions-

1. Sometimes, the greatest relief comes from telling people you don’t know that well, about your problems. You never know how your need to break down could actually be fulfiled. And then, there’s always that reassurance that you’re not alone. Trust yourself to not be fooled 🙂

2. You are eventually stuck with yourself. The saddest worst and happiest best of yourself is revealed only to the self. No one can or should get that. In a world where social networking is bringing the walls down, these simple things are like the room you can go back to and call Home.

2010 was effing long. I’m honestly glad it’s getting over. But, I know one thing.

I am walking out a little braver. A little scared. A little more in love. A little happy. A little person in a world of six billion and growing..