I found this from my 12th grade playlist today. Regina Spektor always puts me in a good mood and thinking. But, today this song sparked 4000 thoughts that I could not control. I remember the first time I spent all night talking to you in my living room at my old house. I remember staying up thinking of the opening line over and over again. I did not want to and I kept smiling like a fool high on a mixture of lack of sleep, endorphins and (I don’t know if the following word will ever fully explain it) excitement. 

I happened to think of the opening line again today in a different context. Or maybe, I just became more open to myself about how I feel about the song.

Today, I ask you the same question and pause to think. I was told today that being nice would kill me. Then, I wonder why I even go out of my way to be nice to you. Or you with the curly hair. Or you with that smile. Or you with sunshine in her eyes. 

I started off because I wanted Karma to be nice to me. Then, I wanted to just keep people around and get them to like me. Now, I don’t know if I care about half the people I am around but I still do this everyday.

What’s the harm in asking? What’s the harm in fixing a bad day? Who knows when you’ll have someone to look up to when you’re alone?

So, I’ll ask you again. This time to you, Sunshine (Just because). 

Will you feel better? Will you feel anything at all?

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