Today, good Lord in heaven, today.
Today was not a special day, to say the least. I love you and I know you so well I could know with my eyes closed that you’re around… if you ever could be. If you ever could be around, I would hold you down with words and hands. I would hold you down with words and hands and songs. The words in songs that you conveniently ignore because it is too much of an effort to think of what they mean to you. I don’t want to explain anything to you because you will never understand even if today, Sunshine, I am the mystery you want to solve.
Sunshine, have I told you why I call you that? Maybe I have.
I cannot tell the difference between days anymore. Every day has melted into the next. Even the days and nights feel the same, physically. There is no essential difference between anything I live in my head and outside it. I am unaware of it all right now. I don’t know what is happening and why it is affecting me. Maybe, I need the sun to shine on me.
My head is like a news ticker. There is no news and nothing is really happening. It is an infinite loop of the same thoughts – I want a home. I want you. I want a place to feel my own. I need to get out. I need to grow up. I need. I need. I need. I want..
And repeat. Rehash. Recycle till I fucking reduce to nothing.
I want to yell. I want to rant. I want to find a song that means something to me. I want to find a song that I can yell at you. I want to find a song I can sing to you. I want to stand on a pedestal today and sing for everyone to hear because I am tired of singing for myself. I want the world to know (and yet not).
This broadcast is not over and it never will be. You are not obliged to stay, but it would be nice if you did anyway.